How One Love CHOICE Changed Everything: A Husband’s Testimonial
written by Kim’s precious husband, Vince
It has been several years now since Kim and her friends began Titus 2 Women. During that time, they have offered many words of wisdom and challenges for their readers to help improve their marriages. Kim has told me some of the success stories and some of the difficulties wives have had believing that if they change the way they treat their husbands that A) he will notice the change and B) he will change too.
I can attest from a husband’s point of view that both things can and will occur. Kim and I will be married 21 years this November. For many of the past years, we seemed incapable of communicating without arguing. I felt completely unappreciated and that every decision I made was being scrutinized and judged. Perhaps my feelings were justified, but Satan (our enemy) definitely wanted me to feel this way. It made me not want to not engage Kim at all. I didn’t want to seek her opinion. I didn’t want to confide in her. I definitely did not feel I could trust her with my heart. I began to build a wall to protect myself, so much that that after every argument I could actually visualize bricks being added to the wall. I would dream of a day when the wall was large enough that no hurt could penetrate it. Kim could feel this wall going up. It made her feel even more isolated and unloved, which made it very difficult for her to be vulnerable with me as well.
But then Kim decided to love me in spite of how she felt about me. “What you say?”
“How can I love someone I don’t feel love for?” It’s simple. Love is not a feeling. It is an action. And Kim began to love me with actions. She would set out coffee for me. She would clean the house before I came home. She would say thank you when I went to the store for her and instead of telling me I bought the wrong brand. She would say “I trust you” when we talked about the kids. These small changes made a change in both of our hearts. She began to feel the love she was acting out and speaking out. I began to soften my heart, slowly but steadily. I would share with her small details of my day and even ask her opinion of some things. Soon I found I valued her perspective and I would say something simple like, “that’s a good idea”.
I know these are simple acts, but they are powerful. They have transformed our relationship in every way. Kim is now the desire of my heart, not the enemy of it. We talk now and enjoy each other’s company. We are passionate and unafraid to love one another and it all started with simple acts of kindness that most of you would do for a complete stranger.