Marriages Last Because...

Marriages Last Because...

Two people make a choice:

~To Keep It

~To Fight For It

~And, 

To Work For It.

This movie clip says it all about a couple about to throw it all away...but wait just a second. There's a history here and it's worth it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5X2yiL7FkyU

"I have found the one whom my soul loves." 

Song of Solomon 3:4

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Women Encouraging Women

Transformation Through Truth & Testimony

Overcoming The Adversary

Overcoming The Adversary

This week marks our 25th Wedding Anniversary. 

These 25 years are full of testimony of our doing life, having children, our failures...

but mostly of God's amazing grace.

We started out strong with a short courtship and a sweet wedding full of supportive friends and family. 

1 year after the wedding we moved out of town away from both sides of the family. We got settled and focused on having children and eventually had our first child, a son, and soon after our daughter arrived and eventually a 3rd child, a son--PURE JOY!

Life is so busy and all-consuming with young children and not having a close proximity relative to offer support, comfort or to babysit and also my husband worked lots and traveled for a living... and it started to wear on me....

I began to realize that our marriage was not great. 

Because of all this, He and I were rarely making time for each other and our relationship grew distant, lonely and cold.  

Somewhere around here is where I started allowing seeds of doubt and discouragement take root. 

So much of what I have learned over these years and, yes, thru suffering is... 

....that the lies of the enemy created in me a Wounded Heart, I began to have a very critical spirit. This was my broken way of defending myself, I guess. I felt powerless and this was the worlds way I tried to change things. As Cindy Hughes said that jumped out at me, "I was looking inward." I couldn't see the truth.

I was critical of my husband with my actions, my attitude, my facial expressions and body language and I was a professional finger-pointer. 

I also became critical of my oldest child who was very strong-willed and difficult to parent. 
Each gifting has an opposite, a counterfeit... My spiritual gift is Encouragement and the opposite of it is a negative and critical spirit.

BUT God...

 slowly but surely brought me out of the pit of slavery and lies.

Healing started with: 

1.) Forgiveness. I had to clean my heart.

2.) The 5 Love Languages. 

I learned that my Love Language was not the same as his. I had wrongly felt that he did not love me bc he didn't focus on what I needed (nor I his). 

3.) I was the self-help book QUEEN. 

A book called FOR WOMEN ONLY The Inner Lives of Men gave me so much revelation!

 4.) The 30 Day Challenge (basically a fast)

 If I used a sharp tongue, I had to start back at one...I couldn't make it to Day 3. My eyes were opening to all the damage I was doing and I had to stop focusing on others behavior. 

5.) Not agreeing with the lies of our enemy.

But through my very broken obedience, my husband quickly began responding positively. Out of nowhere he began complimenting me and holding doors for me and we started dating again. 
Our marriage improved drastically.

I know looking back how wrong my perspective was. Disappointment was a cloak that I wore continually and it tainted everything, even in good times I could still find things to be disappointed about.

I now choose to wear rose colored glasses in lieu of the lens of disappointment. 

God literally showed me one specific day how it would feel if he were to leave me and would if I continued to be so unhappy and miserable.  

I now see truth and ALL his beauty and enjoy him and my son immensely.

As with any testimony, I am changed.  I have been given a gratefulness to see that my cup runneth over, but I deserve nothing.

And lastly, to give others grace while they are lost in their yuck.

"Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best."

"I want to see beauty. In the ugly, in the sink, in the suffering, in the daily, in all the days before I die, the moments before I sleep." 

~Ann Voskamp from her book, One Thousand Gifts

We demolish arguments and every pretention that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we

TAKE CAPTIVE every thought and make it obedient to Christ. 

2 Corinthians 10:5

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.  

2 Corinthians 3:17-18 

The Lord asked, "Is it right for you to be angry?" 

Jonah 4:4

"Love does not hold a record of wrongs."

1 Corinthians 13:

Every wise women builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1

Jesus said, "I've loved you the way that my Father has loved me.  Make yourself at home in my love."  

John 15:9 (The Message Bible)

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Transformation Through Truth & Testimony

Love In Home = Loving Home

Love In Home = Loving Home

Each time we choose a loving response over a negative reaction we are sowing seeds of blessings that WILL produce. 

Choosing to
love unconditionally 
makes your home, marriage, and family 
a haven and a blessing.

The more you look at their positives and let go of those petty things, the more your home will have joy. A joyful home and family is where your loved ones want to be together.

This holiday season is a great time to look outward at how you can be a blessing to others. 

"The son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and give his life as a ransom for many." Matthew 20:28

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." 
Galatians 5:22-23

"So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh." Galatians 5:16

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Women Encouraging Women
Transformation Through Truth & Testimony

Believe The Best In Them

Believe The Best In Them

As wives and mothers, so much rests on our ability to believe the absolute best in our husband and children. We are the ones that set and keep the atmosphere in our environment.  

A man that gets consistent positive affirmation from his wife has a confidence that shows clearly in his work and performance.  Speaking against your husband in any way is disrespectful, will un-motivate, and will definitely emasculate him. 

Emasculate means: to deprive a man of his role or identity. When this occurs, eventually he will leave or quit trying altogether.

The problem is not him by the way, the problem is your fear or control and a definite lack of faith.

"Every wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." Proverbs 14:1

"Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life." Proverbs 4:23

"Depart from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it." 

Psalm 34:14

"Life and death are in the power of the tongue..." Proverbs 18:21

"So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another." Romans 14:19

"and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds.." Hebrews 10:24

"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need at the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear." 
Ephesians 4:29

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Transformation Through Truth And Testimony

Women Encouraging Women

Softly and Tenderly Train Them

Softly and Tenderly Train Them

Life giving words and encouragement are the answer in parenting. 

GENTLY instruct children in the way they should go. CALMLY correct them, in love. What are we teaching if we loose it ourselves...or worse, label them and call names??

Listen up parents and teachers, build up children and listen to them--carefully listen. They will give you signs and red flags when you are losing their heart. My son would say things like, "You love her more" and "Your little princess" and such because his sister was compliant instead of strong-willed like he was.

So, instead of me stopping in my tracks and saying, "Noooooo way, Honey! In no way is she more loved or more valued than you are." I would mistakenly brush off his remarks. 

I wish instead of sending him to his room, I should have taken him on a walk to INTENTIONALLY cancel the lies he was hearing.

Draw near and lean into those those that are pushing back. I believe it is a test to see: How much do you love me? How valuable am I??

Unfortunately, I agreed with what the enemy (and his fear) was telling him by my actions. 

Parents I beg you to slow down, and see REALLY SEE your child. Tell him/her every stinking chance you get how special they are in your eyes and in God's.

"And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony." Colossians 3:14

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins."  1 Peter 4:8 

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Women Encouraging Women
Transformation Through Truth and Testimony

Eliminate Distractions For A Better Life

Eliminate Distractions For A Better Life

Distraction can be a death sentence for many healthy and good things.  Be aware that there are so many business models that are based solely on getting you habitually addicted to their product or service.  

Just to name a few off the top of my head: 

Social Media, Television, Computer Games, The Food Industry (processed food), and Pharmaceuticals.  

Once you come to terms with what you sacrifice for these things it's much easier to say no to them. What do you think that you are you giving up for the habitual use of these things? 

The mindless usage of such things keep us from the creative use of our brain, from getting work done, connecting with our spouse and children, fun memories with friends, getting exercise, and time in God's word.

Set limits or a timer when you use things like Social Media. This will help to not to get sucked into that black hole just to look up an hour or more later. I have a dear friend who won't open any social media if her family is in the same room. Take the app off your main screen, turn off the notifications, and limit your use to a certain hour a day. 

Instead of staying up late surfing the internet, read a story or devotional to your child. And PLEASE, please go to bed at the same time as your spouse and save energy for him--

it is vital for your relationship. 

Schedule your workouts, make meal plans, and have quality time with your valuable relationships. You will begin to start reaping the amazing rewards today. 

You won't regret the investments you make into your life, health, and family.  Better make it count 'cause you can't get it back.

Escapism: noun 

The tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant realities, especially by seeking entertainment or engaging in fantasy. Habitual diversion of the mind to purely imaginative activity or entertainment as an escape from reality or routine. 

"Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses." Deuteronomy 30:19

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Transformation Through Truth And Testimony 

Don't Play The Blame Game

Don't Play The Blame Game

When we concentrate our focus on others being to blame for our problems, hurt, or suffering we are just making excuses for holding onto hurt. Blaming others is a waste of time and just keeps us stuck to grow more and more bitter. 

One of the best things I ever did was to officially stop for good pointing the finger at others. When I finally stopped doing this, but gave grace and forgiveness instead, these relationships drastically improved or just no longer affected me. 

Someone cannot chase you if you don't run. 

Refuse to get baited into their game, or even worse, presume something to be upset about when it's really nothing at all. 

You see, the blame game is keeping a record of wrongs and the bible clearly says we should not do that. I look inward and ask the Lord, "What is my part in this?" I have to make certain that my heart is right and that I'm not carrying bitterness, resentfulness, or unforgiveness. 

I am only responsible for me. I release the others to the Lord, and he is my defender. 

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!" Isaiah 26:3

"The Lord is your mighty defender, perfect and just in all his ways; Your God is faithful and true; he does what is right and fair." Deuteronomy 32:4

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

And over all these virtues put on love,

which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Colossians 3:13-14

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Momentum Creates Motivation

Momentum Creates Motivation

There are so many small decisions that add up over time and help keep us going in the right direction. 

 It could be offering a kind gesture instead of a rude response.

Let it go instead of allowing something to get under your skin.

Get some exercise by going on a walk or taking the stairs.

Choose a wholesome food instead of processed man-made junk.

Take a large insulated container of ice water and fresh squeezed lemon and keep with you all day.

Think nice things about yourself.

Get dressed, fix your hair & makeup, put on earrings.

Smile.

"Whether you turn to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." 

Isaiah 30:21

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Transformation Through Truth And Testimony

Change Your Focus

Change Your Focus

When we put our labels or judgements on others 

we are not in alignment with the Spirit of God. 

Acting as judge by falling for every thought we have against others or ourselves is wrong.

Parents, we are the worst at this...the what if's and the oh my gosh's can take us to a dark and slimy pit of fear concerning our children.

By doing this we are projecting our fears and the lies of evil on our children. 

I love to say and pray the opposite of my fears. Speak into them what you know the Lord can do. 

Raise them up. 

I mean, literally RAISE THEM UP with your affirmations, your trust and belief in them. 

Raise them up in the trust of God the Father, the maker of Heaven and Earth.

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:18

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."

Proverbs 3:3

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Mother's Day Gifts That Money Can't Buy

Mother's Day Ideas That Money Can't Buy

Draw or paint a picture and frame it

Take a leisurely walk with her

Write her a poem

Invite her on a picnic 

Write her a letter

Frame her one of your favorite photographs

Take a picture of your hand in hers 

Pull weeds in her flowerbed 

Have a meal out on the back porch with her

Cook for her

Clean out her closet or the garage

Wash her car

Serve her breakfast in bed

Pick her a bouquet of wildflowers

Give her a day off by doing the house duties

Paint her toenails

Snuggle in a chair and read together

Put sweet post it notes in her car, bathroom mirror, and in her purse

Ask her to tell you a story about her childhood or your birth story

"Her children rise up and call her blessed.." Proverbs 31:28

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women encouraging women

  

Don't Hover

Don't Hover

We are supposed to protect our children from harm, but not failure.

Yes, it is a parents job to make sure your young child learns not to touch a hot stove or run into the street. As your child grows into adolescence they have to learn to navigate on their own. 

Nothing teaches a great lesson quite like failure.

Do not save them from natural consequences, sometimes there are no better lessons learned.

To fail forward is a good thing! Being there for them as sincere comfort is great and not the one who nags at them about forgetting their homework again. 

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." 
Hebrews 12:11

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Don't Be Like I was

Don't Be Like I was

Parenting w/o anger or out of control emotions is not only possible, but it's so very important.

I know how difficult it can be to not get increasingly upset when you and your child are at odds. That child may have even started to annoy you and slowly start getting on your bad side. I can spell this out exactly as it will happen because tragically it happened to my darling son and I.

When this spins out of control it is a very slippery slope and can take on a life of it's own. If this destructive pattern is not recognized and then swiftly changed it will become very costly and possibly irreversible.

My oldest child was the light of my life from the day we found out I was pregnant. The first time I laid my eyes on him my first thoughts were: 

 He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

 This is how God loves us. 

I would video him sleeping, just watching him in complete wonder and awe. I nursed him for almost 2 years and we were so bonded I didn't think anything could ever change that.

A completely unprepared new mom and a small strong-willed child were slowly becoming a disaster. I really wish I knew where it started, what exactly happened to us? 

All I know is that he would dig in his heels and not comply with much of anything I asked. If I said stay, he would run. He climbed out of his crib, he wouldn't stay in the grocery cart, he even climbed to the top of the refrigerator to reach the candy bowl that was supposed to be out of his reach. 

Then there's me... 

Remember last weeks Friday Focus where we discussed accumulated wounds in our heart? I had stored up hurts over time and my heart was clouded with heartbreak, disappointment, unmet expectations and so on. 

These things that were in my heart that shouldn't have been affected my relationships, behavior and attitude. 

This stuff we absorb and stuff down spews out of us (or make us clam up) when we face even the slightest problem. I reacted to my son with frustration, volume, and anger. As I would "loose it" I was not training him the way he should go, but teaching him how to be out of control. I was also slowly pushing him away and showing him that I was not safe.

When things went from bad to worse and my marriage was failing I began to surrender my own strong will and self-protectiveness and cry out to the Lord. I asked him to do his work in me, prune me and take anything out of me that did not belong.

This was not a quick fix by far but the Lord rewards those who seek him. My journey definitely had set-backs, but you don't have to be perfect because Jesus was perfect in our place. 

I've learned so much over the years and I now know how to reject the lies of the enemy of my soul, to walk in the Spirit, love unconditionally and live by the fruits of the Spirit. Which has supernaturally drawn my precious grown son and I back together. 

~All the PRAISE hands!!!~

My heart overflows with gratitude because of where we are as a family today.

"But without faith it is impossible to please God, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him." Hebrews 11:6

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having all you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8

"My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

"But the fruit of the spirit is love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." 

Galatians 5:22

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." Proverbs 3:3

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Here is the very first Friday Focus posted on October 2012. We hope and pray you have been encouraged in truth in these last 5 years

Grab a hot cup of tea and sit a spell

Faith comes from hearing the message, and message is heard from the word of Christ. Romans 10:17

God’s word is the perfect manual for life. It is so important for daily living and growing in Christ. It can either lovingly correct an attitude of the heart or encourage you to keep doing what you’re already doing. His truths seep into us as we steep into Him!

Making bible time a TOP priority today and every day will make an eternal difference for generations.

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Oh My Word!

Oh My Word!

"Words have the power to hurt or heal." 

Proverbs 12:18

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue.." 

Proverbs 18:21

"He who speaks on his own does so to gain honor for himself, but he who works for the honor of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him." 

John 7:18

"But I tell you that everyone will have to give account for every careless word they speak." 

Matthew 12:36

"Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips." 

Psalm 141:3

"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." 

Proverbs 10:19

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Joy To The World!

Joy To The World! 

 C- Charity

    H- Humility

     R- Reconcile

   I- Inclusive

        S- Sentimental

T- Trust   

      M- Memories

      A- Accepting

 S- Sincere

Let us pray:

Father, 

We praise your Holy Name! Your name is holy, high and lifted up. We trust you and your plan. We surrender to your will and plan.

Lord, help us your daughters, believe that Jesus came to save each and every person. 

Please remind us that we should forgive much because we have been forgiven of much. 

Jesus is the one true reason for this special season. 

Lord, help us put on love as Jesus did with no expectations, no judgements or labels, but just pure unconditional love.

Help us Father, to give with no strings attached, no expectations, with no past hurts, no bitterness or anger.

Lord, please bring warmth and joy into our hearts, homes and celebrations. Help bring healing to each family relationship that is strained, broken, or in need of repair.  

Father, Bring the teenagers out of their rooms and help each family have precious time for togetherness, fun and play games, sing songs, bake cookies, and truly enjoy one another this season.

Most of all, 

help us to make time to worship you together and remember your Perfect Gift, Jesus Christ our savior!

In Jesus name we pray, Amen

"Here is the Lamb of God!" John 1:29

"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:25-26

"Let Love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." Proverbs 3:3

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women encouraging women

Steer Them To Jesus

Steer Them To Jesus

Our daughter is a first year college student away at school. She called me recently really needing to talk. I could tell by the tone of her voice this was serious. She began to tell me that her grades had fallen and that she was completely over-whelmed, but hesitated to call because she was afraid that we would be upset with her. 

I started with, Thank you SO much for trusting me with this and I assured her that nothing is more important than her well-being. 

We then spoke of the scripture that says, When we hope in The Lord we will soar on wings like eagles.

I wanted her to visualize the difference between doing it all in her own power and exhausting ourselves and doing all things with Hope in The Lord. 

By keeping our hope in Him we will soar with Him and He will carry us through. So, when birds fly up and find wind currents they are able to save their energy and just be carried and soar effortlessly. 

She really needed that good cry, she dropped a course that was over-whelming her, she re-grouped,  and now feels much better and is back in the fight, so to speak. She also recently asked me to mail her bible to her at school.

I have her little Christmas tree up in her room and waiting for her when she gets home for the holidays. And I found her the perfect ornament for her freshman year of college, 
and it's an eagle. 

"...but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31 

"Brothers (Sisters), if you have any word of exhortation for the people, come and give it." Acts 13:15

"For in Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him." Colossians 1:16

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Behind Every Young Child Who Believes In Himself Is A Parent Who Believed First

Behind Every Young Child Who Believes In Himself 

Is A Parent Who Believed First 

~Matthew L Jacobson

When parents encourage their children to help in the kitchen or help making a repair it makes for confident learning. Allow them to get involved and to make mistakes, it's the best way to learn. 

It is much more than cracking the eggs, flipping the pancakes or replacing a bulb, it is you saying, "I believe in you", "Come learn beside me".

As we occasionally and gently correct them, but mostly encourage the kids in all these life lessons--they will grow up with great confidence.

Knowing you believe in them is the best way for them to try new things without fear of getting criticized. 

"Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged." Colossians 3:21 

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The Heart of Parenting

The Heart of Parenting 

Training up children isn't always easy. Parents can be prepared and equipped to act in a way that properly trains children when the situation needs you.

Instead of talking to your child about their behavior, teach them the heart behind the problem.

A young child can be taught about the love of God, the forgiveness of Christ's sacrifice, and the importance of repentance and turning from sin. 

To me, this is so much more fruitful and productive than a spanking or a time out which only addresses the action, not the heart.

Use scripture that teaches God's way and it will correct the heart. This will not only train them in the way they should go, it will strengthen your bond and relationship. 

God does not see any of us as BAD and we should not label our child as such. God the Father uses each opportunity as a way to teach us and draw us to Him. 

Instead of labeling and using negative words like 

Bad, Trouble, Spank... 

Use kindness and powerful biblical words like Honor, Obey, Wise, Trust, Peace, Self-Control, Courage, Upright.

Softly and tenderly correct them as God does with all the fruits of the spirit. They will surely reflect your behavior as the grow up. You will in turn be their safe place while fostering a close relationship.

(A great resource is WISE WORDS for MOMS by Ginger Plowman) Click on link to order https://www.amazon.com/Wise-Words-Moms-Ginger-Hubbard/dp/0966378660/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1509113673&sr=8-1&keywords=wise+words+for+moms

"She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:26

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Fork In The Road

Fork In The Road

"Choose whom you will serve." Joshua 24:14-15

There are so many decisions in each day that show who were are and who we are serving. Our reactions are indicators of the condition of our heart. 

When interruptions or mishaps happen in your day, how do you respond? For instance:

Spilled milk 

Child or dog throws up

Getting cut off in traffic

Long lines at store
Hubby's socks on floor

Flat tire

Lost luggage

Drive-thru order is wrong

Okay, You get the idea here. 

Life is messy. People are rude and make mistakes, or just don't care. With all that aside, what do your reactions say about your heart? Maybe all these things are opportunities for growth and/or tests to reveal what's inside you that needs pruning.

The Spirit that dwells inside of you has a list of Fruit that makes it evident that you are walking in the Spirit.

The more you start catching yourself "throwing rotten fruit" the easier it gets to use His self-control, peace, gentleness, kindness....

Wisdom calls for people to expect and and prepare for evil attacks.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." 

Galatians 5:22

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