Family Matters

Family Matters: The Birds and the Bees

by Amy Gentry

WHEN: Depending on your childs maturity level, an ideal time to speak to your child is at approximately 10 years old.  To begin an open and comfortable dialogue your children should hear the truth from their parents about how God truly designed biblical love. 

WHERE: Make it a special time-- a weekend get away, a morning at the dog park, or over frozen yogurt.



HOW:

1. Discuss puberty- Estrogen and testosterone. What kind of body changes they can expect. Even Jesus grew in wisdom and stature (Luke 2:52).

2. Discuss attraction and curiosity- Attraction is a gift from God, but we have to be a careful steward of this great gift.    

"My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words.
Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart;
 for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.
Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.
Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil."

Proverbs 4:20-27

3. Discuss dating- Dating should not be used as a source of entertainment so you have something to do on a Friday night. What is the true purpose behind dating?  When you feel that you have met someone and want to get to know them deeper in a different environment - you might want to consider having a "date."  Invite them to church with your family, over for family game night, or to take a younger sibling out for ice cream then progress to group dating situations and then ultimately a traditional date.  Keep in mind, that dating is not a mission field; we are to be equally yoked (in dating as well as in marriage).

"...a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away," Ecc. 3

4. After dating comes engagement- Discuss their dream proposal or what the ring might look like. Discuss that this is also a time for pre-marriage counseling.

"...a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing," Ecc. 3

5. Discuss what the dream wedding would be like and where they want to go on their honeymoon.   

"...a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them," Ecc. 3

6. Discuss the mechanics of what happens on the honeymoon. (Take a deep breath and just go for it.)  God created marriage to be enjoyed and beautiful within marriage (read your child excerpts from Song of Solomon).

 7. End by praying together for your child and for your son or daughter-in-law- that they will guard their hearts and minds.

At the conclusion of this very important conversation - TAKE A NAP.  You deserve it.

GOING DEEPER: The Birds and the Bees Conversation Part 2 (It is best for your child to hear and have the correct description and/or definition of all of the "slang terms" they might come in contact with while talking to their friends).