The Other Woman
By Carri Pratt
“I think my husband is having an affair.” Have you ever had this thought cross your mind? It might be the different way he is treating you or a strange text you thought you might have received by mistake or the fact that he is working late and not answering his phone, or perhaps you just have a twisted feeling in the pit of your stomach. Maybe it isn’t a fear of another woman but just a feeling that your spouse is starting to drift away from you.
Recently God has given me the unbelievable blessing of allowing me to see the need to crucify my flesh and restore my soul. This gift has allowed me to fall deeply and madly in love with my husband of almost thirteen years after many years of what I call “surface/survival love”.
This kind of love is self-serving at best. It is the kind of love you think you have to stay married and care for your children. The kind of love where you are really not paying attention to your spouse or any of his cues. You don’t have to worry about him picking up the phone when he is working late because you don’t even call. You simply enjoy the time he is away and do your own thing.
“Surface/survival love” is not the kind of love God intended for a marriage. We know this because God has given us a marriage guide in the Song of Solomon in the Bible. “I belong to my love, and his desire is for me.” Song of Solomon 7:10. God wants us to have a deep desire for our spouse. God wants us to have a loving and unbreakable bond with our marriage partner. God wants us to have a passionate love affair with our husband. It is His gift to a bride and groom. This type of love can be scary because it commands us to open ourselves up to the possibility that our love will not be returned.
So what if we have been hurt in the past or are hurting right now? What if we don’t know if our husbands are being faithful? What if we fear the worst? What if he wants to leave? Stop and take a deep breath!
We cannot control the actions of anyone but ourselves. The first step is to bring our fears to the Lord. Lay them at His feet. Know that we are loved by the King of Kings. “There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears has not reached perfection in love.” 1 John 4:18
The next step is to pray. The most wonderful thing we can do for our husbands and our family is to pray for God’s protection and guidance. Pray that God will keep our spouse, and us, from temptation. Pray for the peace of Jesus Christ in our lives. Pray for our children. Pray over our home. Pray, Pray, Pray! No matter what your situation, God can do miracles if you call upon His name.
Then concentrate on being a loving partner. The truth is that there are thousands of women who would like the chance to be exactly where you are with your man! This should serve as a wake up call to see what you have and appreciate him for who he is and what he does for you. Isn’t he worth your efforts to create or encourage a godly and adoring relationship?
A word of caution here ladies, don’t be “needy” or “critical / place blame” (the number one turn off for guys) but be fun, helpful, loving and spend time with your man doing things he enjoys. Give him room and give him your trust (even if you don’t think he deserves it). Bring your fears and accusations to the Lord and let Him be the one who heals you and your relationship. Journaling your feelings is a great way to get them out of your system.
Challenge: Join Titus2Women for a Summer of Romance with the Bible Study “Song of Solomon … Summer of Sizzle” and see just where God can take you and your spouse in your relationship if you let Him.