Friday, April 13, 2018

Don't Be Like I was

Don't Be Like I was

Parenting w/o anger or out of control emotions is not only possible, but it's so very important.

I know how difficult it can be to not get increasingly upset when you and your child are at odds. That child may have even started to annoy you and slowly start getting on your bad side. I can spell this out exactly as it will happen because tragically it happened to my darling son and I.

When this spins out of control it is a very slippery slope and can take on a life of it's own. If this destructive pattern is not recognized and then swiftly changed it will become very costly and possibly irreversible.

My oldest child was the light of my life from the day we found out I was pregnant. The first time I laid my eyes on him my first thoughts were: 

 He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
 This is how God loves us. 

I would video him sleeping, just watching him in complete wonder and awe. I nursed him for almost 2 years and we were so bonded I didn't think anything could ever change that.

A completely unprepared new mom and a small strong-willed child were slowly becoming a disaster. I really wish I knew where it started, what exactly happened to us? 

All I know is that he would dig in his heels and not comply with much of anything I asked. If I said stay, he would run. He climbed out of his crib, he wouldn't stay in the grocery cart, he even climbed to the top of the refrigerator to reach the candy bowl that was supposed to be out of his reach. 

Then there's me... 
Remember last weeks Friday Focus where we discussed accumulated wounds in our heart? I had stored up hurts over time and my heart was clouded with heartbreak, disappointment, unmet expectations and so on. 

These things that were in my heart that shouldn't have been affected my relationships, behavior and attitude. 

This stuff we absorb and stuff down spews out of us (or make us clam up) when we face even the slightest problem. I reacted to my son with frustration, volume, and anger. As I would "loose it" I was not training him the way he should go, but teaching him how to be out of control. I was also slowly pushing him away and showing him that I was not safe.

When things went from bad to worse and my marriage was failing I began to surrender my own strong will and self-protectiveness and cry out to the Lord. I asked him to do his work in me, prune me and take anything out of me that did not belong.

This was not a quick fix by far but the Lord rewards those who seek him. My journey definitely had set-backs, but you don't have to be perfect because Jesus was perfect in our place. 

I've learned so much over the years and I now know how to reject the lies of the enemy of my soul, to walk in the Spirit, love unconditionally and live by the fruits of the Spirit. Which has supernaturally drawn my precious grown son and I back together. 
~All the PRAISE hands!!!~

My heart overflows with gratitude because of where we are as a family today.

"But without faith it is impossible to please God, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him." Hebrews 11:6

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having all you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8

"My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

"But the fruit of the spirit is love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." 
Galatians 5:22

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." Proverbs 3:3

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