Week 3 – His Needs
By Carri Pratt / Amy Gentry, Editor
“Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.”
This week read: Song of Solomon 5:1-9
Ladies, this week we discover the most important way a man feels loved.
In verse 5:1 Solomon states, “I have come to my garden – my sister, my bride.” He is basically saying, here I am, take me, make love to me, satisfy my needs and make me feel like a man. Yes girls, the number one way a man feels loved is through physical touch. (aside from his actual love language - click here for love language 30 second test)
When a wife responds positively to her husband’s intimate advances he feels loved, wanted and is affirmed that he is desired. This also fulfills a physical need men have that God instilled in them. However, every time that we say no, withdrawal, or make ourselves unavailable to spend intimate time alone with our spouse we hurt the one we love.
Every negative reaction places another brick in the wall being building between husband and wife until the husband’s reaction is, “why even ask anymore? I am not important. She does not love me or want me.” Those are my own husband’s words when I asked him how he felt when I turned him down. My heart breaks to know what he was thinking.
In verses 5:3-6 we read how the Shulammite woman models what not to do when our husbands reach out for us. She turns him down because she does not want to go out of her way and then what does he do? He withdrawals and goes elsewhere. And how does she feel about that? She is crushed! She realizes too late that she does not have ultimate control and that she woke up one day to find him gone, possibly in the arms of another woman.
This is serious stuff! The number one reason men have affairs or seek out porn on the web is due to the lack of physical and emotional fulfillment from their bride.
According to M. Gary Neuman, Rabbi and marriage counselor, “48 percent of men who have cheated said it was because of emotional dissatisfaction. Men's egos are not as strong as they think, and therefore, they are highly susceptible to someone serving them up admiration outside the marriage, especially when the man is not properly connected with his wife.”
The truth is women do have the control. We can say yes, we can put our husband’s welfare above our own, we can pay attention to him, and we can meet his needs.
Ok, I know very well what it feels like to be completely spent with absolutely no energy to move let alone fulfill my husband’s desires. However, there are lots of little things we can do to begin to mentally engage in the moment until the passion level supersedes the lack of energy level.
Absolutely start with a quick prayer. Then respond with a smile or hug and move on to asking for a backrub or take a relaxing shower. Share with your husband that you do want him and it will take just a few moments to switch gears from mommy and professional to passionate partner. Typically women have their minds on a hundred different things and sex may not be one of them. However, once we take a moment to ponder how exciting a love making session might be, our minds clear and passion begins to take over.
Verses 5:6-8 reveal that once the Shulammite woman’s passion began to take over she was willing to do almost anything for the one she loved, even searching the dangerous streets for him. “Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you: if you find my love, tell him that I am lovesick.” Song of Solomon 5:8
THE FUN STUFF…
Weekly Challenges – Pick one or do them all!
Create your own CD of romantic songs that get you in the mood. Play it and mentally engage in a romantic moment with your husband.
Download an app of love songs
Flirt With Your Husband
Make the first move this week. (Enough said)
Send him a text message that includes a photo of you. You can use the app “Snapchat” for this because the photos are not stored anywhere on your phone or on the internet. 5 seconds and they are gone forever. (Again, enough said J )